


gasoline (where's your self-esteem?)

by gotbts88



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Gen, Multi, Suicidal Thoughts, TSUKKIYAMA IS MY SIN, bad words, ment of self harm, some violence, wow im such trash for angst, yams needs more love guys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-24
Updated: 2016-06-28
Packaged: 2018-06-10 09:06:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,595
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6949858
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gotbts88/pseuds/gotbts88
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>based off halsey's song "gasoline"</p><p>-</p><p>all yamaguchi wanted was love.</p><p>but instead he got gasoline. </p><p>or in other words, he's just another forgotten face.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> second haikyuu story! guys, let me tell you that tsukkiyama is my shit like-  
> im not even kidding. 
> 
> warnings:  
> \- ment of self harm  
> \- suicidal thoughts  
> \- bad words  
> \- violence (not too much, i think???)

_**are you insane like me?** _

_**been in pain like me?** _

_**bought a hundred dollar bottle of champagne like me? j** _

_**ust to pour that motherfucker down the drain like me?** _

_**are you high enough without the mary jane’s like me?** _

_**do you tear yourself apart to entertain like me?** _

_**do the people whisper ‘bout you on the train like me?** _

_**sayin’ that you shouldn’t waste a pretty face like me?** _

 

-

 

yamaguchi tadashi. just an ordinary teenager playing volleyball as a pinch server. ordinary student. normal, right? okay, truth to be told, yamaguchi didn’t even know. why, you may ask? well, it was his bullies. always teasing him about his freckles, always telling him that he’s useless, and he should die. yamaguchi felt hurt, even depressed at these words. but, he didn’t want to burden the team. karasuno’s volleyball. they were already in the pre-lims, so why worry them more? so, yamaguchi coped with his pain by self-harming. as sad as it was, he took out the pain on himself. to cover up his pain, he would wear a black insulator he got from ennoshita. as he played (or when he got the chance to), the ball hit his arms so much that it numbed the pain--and he loved it. but, he hated his burdens. and yet, the saddest part was that he thought he could hide it forever.

 

-

 

**_and all the people say,_ **

**_“you can’t wake up, this is not a dream!_ **

**_you’re part of a machine, you are not a human being_ **

**_with your face all made up, living on a screen_ **

**_low on self-esteem, so you run on gasoline--”_ **

 

-

 

as yamaguchi practiced scrimmage with the volleyball team, he noticed some people walk in. this was normal--but, yamaguchi knew these people; his bullies. too shocked to do anything, he missed the ball flying towards his face. by the time he snapped out of it, the ball met with his face. poor yamaguchi yelped, falling back. as he held his face, he heard footsteps near and calls of his name. “I-i’m okay,” he groaned. “do you need me to walk you to the locker rooms and help you?” takeda asked, concerned. “i got it, sensei. i can walk on my own.” with that, he stood up to go to the boys’ locker rooms. as he gathered ice into a bag, he heard a snicker from behind. “aw, is the baby hurt?” yamaguchi felt his blood run cold. he slowly turned, seeing his three bullies. before he could run off, one of the grabbed his arm, slamming him into the lockers. the injured male groaned in pain, rolling onto his side as he held his arm.

 

“why try to play volleyball when you already know you suck?”

 

_hit._

 

“you’re just a burden to everyone.”

 

_hit._

 

“you’re better off dead!”

 

_hit._

 

_insult, hit._

 

_insult, hit._

 

yamaguchi sobbed as he was attacked--until he felt the abuse cease, and yelling started to happen. tanaka. nishinoya. kageyama. as yamaguchi was in his state of shock and pain, he felt two pairs of hands helping him. he looked up sluggishly, seeing that it was sugawara and ennoshita. the two helped the younger into ukai’s office, carefully, setting him down onto the bench. even though the younger’s vision and mind was hazy, he could see ennoshita grabbing a health kit. but, when sugawara started to take off his jersey and insulator, yamaguchi jumped away, starting his senpai. “no, don’t..” sugawara raised a brow, “yamaguchi, your wounds--” “are fine,” yamaguchi finished, trying to get up. “yamaguchi tadashi, sit down this instant,” sugawara ordered, his voice firm and strict, making the younger squeak and sit down. as ennoshita, sugawara pulled off yamaguchi’s top, his heart racing.

 

when he did, the two eldest boys’ eyes widened. of all the old and new bruises, it was the cuts that decorated his skin that shocked them. when ennoshita looked up at him, he kept his eyes cast downwards at his lap. when the two upperclassmen finished cleaning up the younger boy, ennoshita put the kit back. when he sat back down, sugawara took a deep breath. “ya-” “i’m so sorry!” yamaguchi cried, startling both ennoshita and sugawara. “It’s just--the bullies were too much, i feel like i’m dragging the team down, i wanna die--” yamaguchi sobbed, “i’m so sorry.”

 

-

 

_**my heart is gold, but my hands are cold..** _


	2. Chapter 2

_**are you deranged like me?** _

_**are you strange like me?** _

_**lighting matches just to swallow up the flame like me?** _

_**do you call yourself a fucking hurricane like me?** _

_**pointing fingers ‘cause you’ll never take the blame like me?** _

 

the bullies ran off, the locker rooms echoing with yamaguchi’s cries. he was scared. horrified. embarrassed. sugawara continued to stroke his hair, cooing softly. everyone in karasuno were in the locker rooms, watching the first year with mixed emotions of anger, sadness, and other emotions. they couldn’t believe that yamaguchi endured this the whole time, let alone didn’t tell anyone. so, they wanted to help their dear teammate.

 

“yamaguchi, how long has this been going?” daichi asked when the younger calmed down, his voice low but gentle. the brunette sniffled, wiping his eyes, “a f-few months..” tanaka scowled, clenching his fists. “i swear, i’m gonna kill them-” “hey, don’t do that,” ennoshita scolded, resting his hand on the wing spiker’s shoulder. “i’m pretty sure yamaguchi doesn’t want you to get in trouble.” yamaguchi only nodded, finally looking up. daichi sighed, “anyway, yamaguchi why didn’t you tell us?” yamaguchi jumped, quickly bringing his gaze to his lap. “i, uh, didn’t want to burden you all,” he mumbled, a frown settling on the pinch setter’s face. “yamaguchi, you need to understand that we all care for you. you’re like family to us,” sugawara grinned, making the younger look up. he looked around him, seeing the caring and determined faces on everyone. his eyes brimmed with tears, a faint smile on his face as he whispered, “thank you.” nishinoya jumped up, a grin on his face. “c’mon guys, let’s not be gloomy! let’s play some volleyball!” everyone else cheered, filing out of the locker rooms, followed by tsukishima and yamaguchi.

 

“hey,” tsukishima suddenly said, letting out a squeak from the other boy. “y-yes, tsukki?” he squeaked, looking up at the blonde. “..just remember i’m here for you,” the blonde mumbled, looking away with pink cheeks. the brunette merely blinked before a grin appeared on his face. “thanks, tsukki!”

 

-

 

_**and all the people say,** _

_**“you can’t wake up, this is not a dream!** _

_**you’re part of a machine, you are not a human being** _

_**with your face all made up, living on a screen** _

_**low on self-esteem, so you run on gasoline--”** _

 

-

 

as the school year progressed, yamaguchi had become more confident. from scoring more points for his team to standing up to his bullies (with the help of his team), yamaguchi had become thankful for his team. and even more, his new boyfriend. “yamaguchi come here,” tsukishima called out, heading out of the gym. the freckled teenager blinked, wondering as to why he called him. nonetheless, he walked over, looking outside to see him in the hall. “what’d you call me over for, tsukki?” he asked, tilting his head.

 

_silence._

 

“ah, tsukki, did you-”

 

before he could finish, his lips were met with another’s. tsukishima’s lips. oh. yamaguchi’s eyes widened, but he soon melted into the kiss, instinctively wrapping his arms around the elder, feeling arms go around his waist. he felt that in this moment, everything was right; the kiss, the setting the-- “WHOO! YEAH, GET IT GUYS!” the two pulled away quickly, turning their gazes to the rest of the team. tanaka and nishinoya called them out loudly, sugawara taking a picture (and sobbing about how his children are growing so fast), hinata ranting, “holy shit, he does have a heart!”, kageyama covering his eyes, ennoshita, kinnoshita, and narita applauding them, asahi trying to calm down nishinoya, and daichi yelling at the ones who were yelling to “shut up.”

 

tsukishima scowled, about to tell them to fuck off, but a whine cut him off. he looked down, seeing that yamaguchi had buried his face into his chest. he swore he heard him groan, “why” (same, he thought), but a small smile appeared on his face until he heard hinata scream, “HE SMILED!” he didn’t even say anything as he heard daichi yell, “shut up!”

 

-

 

_**BONUS:** _

 

two years passed; the second and third years had graduated, and so the first years were now third years. tsukishima was vice-captain as yamaguchi was the captain. kageyama and hinata remained in their same positions since their first year, making yamaguchi humber one and tsukishima number two. not much had changed since their first year-- but, they still held the same traditions they had in their previous years. and so, their senpais had decided to visit them, wanting to see them again. when all of them reunited outside the gym, they opened the doors, feeling a familiar sensation go through them. they all looked inside, hearing the volleyballs hit the floor, shoes squeaking, and yells. they saw the new players, along with the players they had played alongside previously. they say hinata spiking the ball from kageyama, tsukishima blocking the opposing team, and yamaguchi receiving the ball. they also see kiyoko and yachi together, assessing the game along with having a conversation. the old players were impressed with the improvement, pride swelling in their chests. they smiled, walking towards them for a game.

 

_**my heart is gold, but my hands are cold..** _

 

 

 __\--

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> finished! sorry for the long wait, haha..
> 
> i hope you guys enjoyed! did you guys enjoy this? do you have any ideas for other stories? tell me in the comments! thank you ~!

**Author's Note:**

> i will do a second part, don't worry. i just don't know when-


End file.
